Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Like a bee to flowers....

I find myself completely drawn to my children. There's this inexplicable pull between us, I want nothing more some days then to be by their side, it suits me just fine to do nothing but watch my kids just be, just breath, just exist.

They're kind of like little batteries, they give me energy and power and keep me going. They refresh me and make me feel alive. Without them, life makes less sense, has less purpose and in general appears so much duller. Man, do I ever love my children!

I don't think I ever knew what kind of mother I hoped to be, until I had my kids and found out just how astonishingly deep my love for them is. Now I know that kind of mother I hope to me, when my kids are grown and are describing me to people, I want them to use words like "warm" and "devoted" and "loving" and "fun". If they want to throw in words like "beautiful" and "best mom ever", thats okay with me too! I want to be my kids safe place, I want to be "home" to them, I want them to feel good about themselves and about life when they're around me. When they're grown with kids of their own, independent and making their mark on the world, I want them to know that their mother still adores them, still enjoys every second she's with them, will still love them and comfort them whenever they need it, I want them to know I want to always be "Mama", even when we're all old and gray.

So, I've got big mothering aspirations, and its going to take a lot of work to be the kind of mother I want to be, but I'm up to the challenge, because, well, look at these kids........

....they absolutely deserve a childhood they can look back fondly upon and a Mama they can always rely upon, and more love then they ever imagined possible.


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