Monday, May 18, 2009

Going it alone?

A strange thing happened the other day, a very common place event became a gigantic reminder that the rest of this world doesn't see life the way we do, we being those grieving Everett. In fact, a very common type of family gathering became a big reminder that we're going it alone when it comes to missing Everett and holding a place for him in our family and our daily lives. This isn't the strange part though, the strange part is that when we tried to make the people involved see it through our eyes, they were upset, angry even, like they were insulted or somehow wronged! I'm so confused by this, but have come to the conclusion that I can't spend any unnecessary time thinking about how I can make others see my side of things, because it nearly never works and it causes me to feel angry on top of sad and thats a bad combination of emotions to go through your day with, especially with a three year old and one year old to care for.

But, I hate that is Us vs. Them, the people who get it and the people we expected to get it and don't. Its lonely. It hurts to know that many of your inner circle don't understand and worse yet, don't even consider Everett any more. And its really sad to know that we can't bring it to their attention and explain how we feel without a backlash from them, without rebuttals and counter arguments. I never wanted to argue, I just wanted my baby to be remembered.

Anyway, its done now. I'm trying my hardest to not dwell on this, to move on and be civil and just understand that maybe they simply cannot understand where I come from on this matter, and I guess its a good thing that they don't know, because knowing would mean that they have experienced the pain of losing a child and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

And, on a brighter note, there are a handful of beautiful people in my life, placed there no doubt by God who knew I'd need them, that just "get it", they understand. Be it by proximity to us as we lost him, or as we first (and most painfully) grieved him, or just by their sensitive and intuitive natures, they understand us and are sensitive to us on all "Everett matters" sometimes before we know that we need them to be! I am grateful for those people who are there without needing to be asked and who go out of their way to honor and remember Everett!

My heart is filled with love for them, which is doing a beautiful job of diminishing the anger I was feeling when I started this post!


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