Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Garden

I took the kids out to the backyard today, to enjoy some of the sunshine and warm weather, and found Everett's garden was thriving and full of life, yay! We weren't at all certain that we had the gardening skills to maintain a garden, but it looks like we're not half bad at it! The plants are still in their early stages of awakening, they aren't much to look at, but I found myself on my hands and knees looking at his garden stone in a whole new way. It could be the artist in me searching for some sort of design in everything, or maybe its because I've been so lost in thought and emotion lately with Everett's gala coming up so soon, but I've been looking for something to jump out at me lately, and this is what I've found today. Pretty isn't it?

Tears, memories and thoughts of Heaven, doesn't that just sum up where my heads at these days? It totally does. Avery's been talking about Heaven lately too, she absolutely doesn't get it, but bless her for giving it so much thought. She wants to go there, she knows her brother lives there, but it just kills me when she suggests, as though it were in the realm of possibility, that we should drive there after Landon's nap. She cocks her head to the side and innocently asks me if thats something I'd be interested in doing, and its all I can do to not crumble to the floor. If she only knew! Trying to explain the logistics of Heaven to a three year old is tough, because I don't want to talk to her about how you really get there, about death and its inevitability, but she knows a little about that already, which sucks. So, I tell her we'll all be there one day, hopefully not for 90 or so years for her, and there's no hurry, Heaven can wait. I love her so much for wanting to pop in and see her brother, I love that she thinks of him so often, but it hurts sometimes to hear her talk about him.

Anyway, enough of that, I'm trying to remain upbeat tonight. Since Elvis is at work and I've been having trouble sleeping lately anyway, no sense in going to bed crying, thats a sure way to get a migraine.

So, we played outside today, took pictures of Everett's garden, and played. I sat in the grass and watched Avery and Landon enjoy our backyard and tried to just be completely happy and satisfied with what I have and the path I'm on. Its hard, definitely harder some days then others, but when you've got this in your backyard.....

.....happiness invariably finds its way into the mix!


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