Friday, June 19, 2009

A tale of two friends (and two necklaces)...

Somewhere in the continental USA there are two amazing ladies, two very dear friends of mine, who have each been deeply touched by Everett, and our loss, that they have sent me lovely little gifts to show me that they're thinking of me and of Everett.

They're wonderful ladies and the support they have showed both when Everett first passed away, and still, is amazing and affirming. Both of these ladies are so thoughtful and generous, and I am so grateful to call them friends of mine. And both of these ladies sent me this necklace.....

When the second necklace arrived my first though was "Oh no, how sad, I already have one of these!" I felt badly for my friend who sent the second necklace, she had no way of knowing that another kind hearted friend had sent one too. But after some thought I realized it wasn't sad, or unfortunate at all that someone had sent me another of these beautiful keepsakes, especially once I had thought over the necklace and what it represents. It now seems quite lovely, and quite fitting that I should have two of these.

This necklace is called "The baby tears memorial necklace" and is part of series of jewelry designed to bring comfort to woman who have experienced a miscarriage or infant loss. The website describes it as a symbol of "all the tears cried, and not cried when we lose a little one". How perfect that I received one when my grief was fresh and new, permitting me to cry and express my grief outwardly, and to receive one now, when my grief is more subdued and mature, and less noticeable now, reminding me its still okay to cry and to grieve outwardly. Each of these beautiful necklaces has helped usher me into a different and vital stage of the grieving process.

The first one came at a turbulent time, and in a sense helped tame my pain, it broke me down a bit when it arrived, I cried when I opened it, because I was touched by thy thoughtfulness of my friend, and because my emotions were still so electric and haywire. I wore it proudly, displaying my hurt for the world to see.

The second necklace ushered in its new phase more gently, it arrived quietly, in a quiet time when reminders of my grief and that people are think of us are coming less frequently. On the inside my pain still comes in waves, rough and turbulent at times, quite and calm at others, but outwardly, the waters seem still. This second necklace came at a time when we needed (though maybe never knew we did) to know that people are still thinking of us and our baby, and that its still okay to reflect whats happening on the inside to the rest of the world.

Two necklaces

Two friends

Two important messages that came in two relevant times of our lives

I don't believe it was an accident or a coincidence that my good friends both thought of me when they saw this necklace and thought to themselves that they should send it to me, because it may help me to feel better, or cared for, or thought of.

I like to believe that the arrival times of these beautiful necklaces was orchestrated by God, who knew precisely when I'd need "nudges" to help me move on, and my beautiful, thoughtful, amazing friends were his instruments to help this process along.

Another word on my lovely friends. I've never met either one of them. I've never laid eyes on their faces, or heard either of their voices. And yet they are two of the most wonderful friends I could have! I have a lot of friends like these ladies, who have never spoken to me on the phone, or gone for coffee, or had our children play together, and yet they've demonstrated amazing love and kindness and friendship to me in the best and worst times of my life. I'm so lucky to have stumbled upon this amazing "virtual" living room filled with amazing women I am proud to call my friends.

So, thats the tale of my two friends, and the two necklaces they bought me. Friendship, love and thoughtfulness are alive and thriving in the world, and at this very moment, I feel incredibly blessed.


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