Friday, July 3, 2009

Bedtime stories......

"Once upon a time there was a pleasant but sometimes sad, but incredibly grateful young(ish) mother who had a two young children to love and raise (and one Angel in Heaven). As she put her children to bed one night she was struck by their beauty, and the depth of their love for her, and her heart swelled with pride and happiness. As she lay them in their beds she thanked God that she had beds to put them in, blankets to cover them with, and a roof to shelter their sweet heads. "

I know it sounds cheesy, but I seriously thought like this tonight while putting Avery and Landon to bed. Specifically while I was putting Landon in his crib, I covered him up, turned on his "Glowy" and his mobile and thought, we are so lucky.

So often we get caught up thinking on what we don't have, or focusing on what we wish we had, that we don't take stock of what we already have, if we did, we'd realize how incredibly rich we are. I'm not lecturing, because I am quite honestly very guilty of this habit. I think so often about all that I've lost, what I had and is gone from me, what I wish I could have back in my life, that I seldom stop to think about how lucky I am to have what I still have. Its hard. Its hard to shift the focus and stop thinking about what we long for, but I know I have try.

Longing for things, and wishing for things, hoping for things, doesn't actually get you things. But, neglecting what you have, failing to notice the blessings in your life can cost you them, thats a pricey lesson I hope to not have to learn. So, tonight while tucking my kids into bed, I pledged to myself to always be mindful of how lucky I am to have them in my life, and how fortunate we all are that we have the life we do. Not everyone is as blessed.

I am thankful that I have:
A home for my children to live in
Clothing to keep them warm (or cool)
Food for their bellies
Access to health care and medicines
Schools to teach them
A safe neighborhood for them to play
Good friends to talk parenting with (and stuff not related at all to parenting)
A large family to love them
A wonderful church and church community to support them as they learn about God
A God who cares
My children! (All of them!)

I am so rich! I feel so amazingly blessed tonight. Sadness has absolutely touched our lives, tragedy has undoubtedly altered it, permanently and painfully, but I would be remiss if I devoted my thoughts solely to what I cannot ever have again, rather then all the treasures and joys that are still in my life! I'm tempted to feel guilty over feeling happy and blessed when one of my children isn't here with me. Its tempting to devote my entire life to grieving Everett, memorializing and honoring him, but its not healthy, and it doesn't help heal our broken hearts. I read something recently in a Max Lucado book, about how those who believe in God are allowed to grieve and be sad, but not in the way that those who have no hope do. Interesting. Because I have hope for a reunion with Everett one day, I can unanimously grieve and celebrate. Strange. Strange, but it lifts a burden, the burden of trying to decide whether to hurt or feel blessed, to smile or cry, I get to do both, and tonight I feel like celebrating all that I have been given, including Everett. He is one of my life's treasures, I'll be forever grateful for him and for Avery and Landon (and any future baby too).

Look at these treasures!

Aren't they breathtaking? And surely Heaven sent. I don't think I have ever taken a picture of them, with those gigantic brown eyes that hasn't made me stop and think "Oh", Oh those eyes, those big, dark, warm, loving eyes. If I had nothing more in this whole world then those eyes to stare into, I would still be very, very rich.

The last of me my children see before drifting off into sleep is me kissing their foreheads and bringing their covers up to their chests, then closing the door to their rooms. It seems comforting to them, its familiar and happy, like a bedtime story. The last I see of them before I slip from their rooms to savor some quiet time before I got to bed, are those big, soft, deep brown eyes, heavy lidded and and weary, full of trust and love, better then any bedtime story.


1 comment:

  1. Katie your so right sometimes we have to devote our lives to being thankful admist tradegy