Saturday, November 14, 2009


On Wednesday Elvis and I are taking a baby step. We're going to move, just the tiniest amount, in the right direction. We're going to see a marriage counselor. The first thing we're going to discuss, is our goals for our marriage, and for our time in counseling. What do we each personally want to see happen. We've been asked to come up with our top three goals.

Here are mine.



and Reciprocal Love.

I want to be able to trust that what I feel is real, and that its authentic and genuine and reliable. I want to trust that Elvis wants the same things, and that he is working towards the same things I am.

I want to open the lines of communication, for the time being, for the purpose of working out our issues and then, for the rest of our marriage, to prevent any further issues. I want to hear what's in his head and in his heart, I want to hear him say what makes him happy and I want to hear what eats at him. I want to be in the know.

I want love. I want to give it and I want to receive it. I want to be wanted. To be cherished. To be pursued. I want to be the object of his affections. I want to be special and held in high esteem. I don't ever want to be settled for, or seen as runner up, or a consolation prize, I don't want to be viewed as "good enough", or someone who will just do in a pinch. I want to be viewed as a prize. And of course, I want to do the same for him.

Those are my goals. I think they're reasonable. I hope they're achievable. I pray that they're God's goals for us as well.

Living life without a love you've become quite accustomed to feeling, is like being a candle who has had its flame blown out. Its still a candle, but it doesn't shine anymore. Its lacking that glow, that vibrancy, that energy that makes it functional and special and valuable. Living day to day without the love of my husband feels like I've had my flame blown out. I'm still alive, still me, but lacking that vibrancy and energy, and that something special that makes me shine.

My goal is to get that back!


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