Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I want something........

I want to fill the hole in my heart

I want to patch the cracks in my sanity

I want to ease the throbbing ache of grief

I want to suppress the sorrow

I want to hold back the tears

I want to build up walls of protection from the world

I want to rip the blinders off those who can't see my grief

I want to climb a mountain and shout Everett's name from it's peak

I want to make a difference and do it in the name of my son, who has already changed so many lives

I want to announce his existence to everyone who asks how many kids I have

I want to build a time machine

I want to fix his broken heart, then bring him home and love him

I want to comfort those who mourn

I want to be comforted

I want to do something with the grief and turmoil inside of me

I want to change my life

I want Everett

I want to see my twin boys side by side again

I want to throw away all my mementos and have the real thing instead

I want for him to never have died

I want to know God's rational some day

I want to understand his plan

I want to feel whole, and know I never will

I want Everett, always


1 comment:

  1. I totally feel your pain... My son died 3 days before he was to be born. Perfectly healthy, and we have no idea why. It is a pain that might dull but it never goes away, there is always a hole. I agree with all that you posted in this post... I want to know why too... I guess I have come to the conclusion that there was a bigger picture out there that I didn't know about and I need to live the best life I can live now. Hugs to you...