Bittersweet

Today we held a fund raiser, in Everett's memory, benefiting the NICU at our local hospital. It was a jewelry party, all proceeds being donated, and it was really successful.

We celebrated with cake.


And it was unexpectedly emotional.

As I stood there divvying up the cake, I felt my eyes readying for tears. I could feel them heat and water and my chin quivered just a bit. At first I didn't understand this tidal wave of emotion, but then it hit me. This is the very first cake I've served with Everett's name on it. He's never had a birthday cake.

He'll never have a birthday cake.

The need to cry stuck with me through the afternoon. And when no one was looking I stole away to the bathroom to cry for all the birthday cakes Everett will never have.

Then I came out and celebrated the money we raised in his memory, and started planning all the good we'll do with it.

I miss my baby so deeply today.

Katie